If you know me, you know I can be a pretty sensitive person. I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. Well, I can, but I don’t want to.
I am also the most naive person on the planet. You can hand me a rock and tell me it’s gold on the inside and there’s at least a 70% chance I’ll believe you.
I’m gonna tell you a little story then I’m gonna ask you to consider something….
Back to the “dish it out, but can’t take it” part of the story, Tyler loves to make me uncomfortable in semi-inappropriate ways. Fondling my rear in public, or any time he feels like, really. That’s a favorite — of his, not mine. So to return the favor, every time he stands up from the couch I give him a little tickle on his behind, just to remind him how it feels.
Apparently I went too far last night. Oops. He stood up and I let him have it. I’m pretty sure my finger made contact with an area the sun don’t shine.
Don’t put on your disgusted face. He was wearing shorts. And I’m sure you do plenty of unpleasant things behind closed doors. So there!
Anyway, he let out a big sigh and moved on to the bathroom. When he came out, I asked my standard “Did everything come out okay?” to which he replied “Yeah, all over the toilet seat!”
OH HELL NO! I walked into the bathroom and, sure enough, there was pee everywhere. On the seat, on the toilet, ON THE FREAKING FLOOR! Are you kidding me? So I tore off a wad of tissue and wiped all of the pee on the toilet seat up, marched right into the living room, and smeared it in his face.
Of course he’s laughing hysterically as he’s trying to fight me off. Then the phone rings. All it took was that fraction of a second to break my focus as he takes the tissue from my hand and manages to wedge it straight into my mouth.
You know that moment when you feel a fury so intense you expect flames to come out of your eyeballs and completely incinerate everything within a 20 mile radius?
Luckily for both of us, him more than me I’d like to think, the phone call was one I needed to take and gave me that 10 minutes to decompress and not become a crying, screaming, psycho mess. After my phone call and about 4 straight minutes of Tyler laughing so hysterically he couldn’t stand and tears were pouring down his face, he confessed that it was just water and all of my distress had been completely unwarranted.
So here’s what I’d like to know. Is this a guy being a guy and being such good friends with me that he can do all the same practical jokes with me that he could with his buddies?
Or is Tyler just a jackwagon, bullying, meanie-head that will make sure if I make him uncomfortable he’ll make me suffer 10 fold?
I’m still kinda mad, so I’ll go with the latter.
